not that physics is any better. electrostatic potential? induction? INDUCTION?! electromagnetism?
speaking of which, after my physics midterm i definitely did some of these:
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| Physics definitely just trolled me. |
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| Trollolololololol |
ahem. anyway
Quote of the day: "we should hack into someone's FB account that posts a lot and upload a piece of S*** and you can comment on it saying "stop posting so much S***!!!" -Matthew Abell and Griffin Hosseinaterroristzadeh.
And because i'm obssessed with the mighty trojans of the south, here's the top 10 (somewhat legitimate) reasons why we will win that game.
10. Presidential Elections are over.
Since McCain already lost to Obama, the trojan fans will have no one else to offend. They will then try to think of a more recent country/world issue and try to voice their opinions against a general Democratic opinion, until they realize they have no idea wtf is going on in the world, and let alone their own lives, since their lives are littered with the ideology of a trojan - douchebagginess. On second thought, they might actually think our president's still Mr. Reagan... Regardless, they will remain more quiet than usual because of their lack of intelligence, until they realize they can only make baby noises, at which we will hear the stadium with a thunderous roar of goo-goo ga-ga. their team will be distracted, and we will prevail. GG.
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| hopefully their knowledge of our current president won't be this bad. |
9. Time of Game
Let's face it, even if they are douchebags, they may have been good at football. so good, in fact, that they've hogged a lot of the primetime games, which almost always kicks off at 5:00 pm. (or sometimes 7 pm for a marquee Pac-10 match-up). This game, however, is scheduled to kick off at 12:30 pm. Their team will still be trying to wake up and leave for the field to warm up, while our players, having already been adjusted to this kickoff time, will be fired up and ready to go. (which is why i'm convinced we dropped the game at Nevada - our players must've thought 7 pm was bedtime after a long hard day of football). Expect the Bears to jump out to a quick 28-0 lead by halftime, and expect the Trojans to maybe wake up and cut the lead down to 7. But we will preserve win when, at the CAL 10 yard line with 1:23 left, Allen Bradford trips up on his own pair of snuggies that he forgot to take off and fumbles because he held on to the snuggie instead, because it's so gosh-darned soft and comfortable. Billy Mays 1 : 0 Mattress King.
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| And, if you call now, we will give you TWO snuggies, at the price of... |
College Football nowadays are under scrutiny for the roles Agents play for the benefit of the player. The most famous case would be the best damn running back in the whole wide world, Mr. Reggie Bush, who had his Heisman trophy taken away from him (he actually gave it up, and tried to sound like an intelligent human being who knows what's right and what's wrong. Needless to say, he F'ed it up big time. you can read the story here.) Anyway, agents are now bribing players to take a lot of money and personal gifts to be able to play in the NFL, which would give the agents a solid job (security) and get paid big time. It is this trait that Cal students will use; expect some to bribe their way into the Coliseum and past the security and confuse some key $C players by throwing big words at them like Legislative Powers, and take them away from the game only to be locked up in van with justin bieber blasting the crap out of the speakers inside. man, talk about torture. oh wait, they might like that stuff since he's a little girl... hmm..
7. Matt Barkley vs. Kevin Riley.
Here's where some of you stop laughing and say wait, what? how can you even compare the two?! it's easy, you just look at the physical facts, i.e. statistics. etc... but with all joking aside, This is a key match-up which i believe we have the advantage in. How, you may ask? Well, remember that movie Saving Private Ryan? I'm sure you guys would know a little chump named Upham that pooped his pants at the very end, leading to two kills of his own dudes?
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| someone please make me a sandwich... T_T |
6.Kiffin vs. Tedford.
This one is actually kind of serious. I myself wasn't aware before of the fact that Kiffin was a QB under Tedford at Fresno State, when Coach T was the offensive coordinator while Kiffin was a brilliant, phenomenal QB... a brilliant, phenomenal BACKUP QB, that is. Coach T knows Kiffin's ways, he knows the mentality of Kiffin and the grudge that he has held against Tedford. Tedford will use this to gain an upper hand in coaching, and will read Kiffin's eyes (literally, like how a DB reads a QB's eyes and makes a big play) and draw up the exact defensive scheme that will roflstomp the Trojan offense. Kiffin will then proceed to cry at being the best 2nd-stringer there ever was. It's okay Kiffin, not all of us can shine like a bright star you were in your collegiate career. That's because no one from the University of California, Berkeley have been anything but perfect.
5. Trojan marching band vs. Cal Band
Now, this is a no-brainer for anyone. Hell, even the Santa Clara band is probably better.
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| and that's just 1/2 of the band... |
4. The Power of 3.
Lane Kiffin, so far, is 0-2 in october at $C as a head coach. With Cal coming into town, that number can very well become 3. Also. The Trojans band has a 3-song repertoire. any more or less will lead to the destruction of the coliseum, banning $C from participating in any future athletic events, for safety hazards. USC is a 3-letter acronym. field goal is worth three points, and $C has lost their last two games by a combined number of 3 points. (and something more about how #3 is so prevalent everywhere and its linkage to SC sucking.) also: | |
| yes, you just got trolled. three times. |
3. Offense vs. Defense match-up.
Trojan offense has been rolling. it has put up a lot of points on the board, and do it in a seemingly effortless fashion. Matt Barkley is a solid QB, WR Ronald Johnson has plenty of talent to make plays both on offense and on special teams, and the trio RBs of Bradford, Marc Tyler, and FB Stanley Havili (of whom, btw, i'm convinced that this is his 9th year playing) will always be threat for both up-the-gut and screen plays on the edge. Not to mention an elite front-5 O-line. Our defense isn't so shabby either. Front seven has putting consistent pressure on opposing QBs, while the secondary has been as solid as ever, with depth and talent for our CBs and safteies. Many have experience under the belt, as well as the physical talents and the intelligence to stay on their assignments and thwart the offensive attempts. This is your classic sword vs. shield match-up. which side will tire out first, and which will make big plays?
on the other side, things are a lot less exciting. Trojans' secondary has looked God-awful so far this season, giving up tremendous number of yardage. the inexperience as well as lack of depth is what hurts them there. Our offense, however, isn't exactly the firepower that can overpower and expose that flaw. Riley is (still) inconsistent, while Marvin Jones is looking for help to relieve his pressure as the #1 WR that the defense knows and can place double-coverages on him. Keenan Allen needs to be more like an oldman and not like an uppity newman, while the O-line must protect Riley and open up holes for our hero, Shane Vereen. If we can take advantage of the spotty coverage, then we can maybe post up some points, becuase we all know the front seven will stack the box to prevent Shane from cutting loose. Bottom line is, our defense is good enough to hang with their offense, while experience gives our offense a slight edge over their defense. Let's see what you can do, Andy Ludwig.
2. Rivlary game
Plain and simple. Will we be subject for more pain from being defeated by a team that we probably hate more than 'Furd? Will we let them gain some momentum heading into their 3-home game streak by letting them stomp all over us? Will Tedford finally get a W in the Coliseum, having already won at the Rose Bowl last year? The Bears need to maintain the mindset of a Big Game, and come out fired up and be ready to put these silly kids in their place.
1. Oski > Tommy Trojan and his retarded horse.
Bears eat humans. Humans eat horses. By what i learned in my math class in 7th grade, Bears should eat horses. But how often do we see that? actually, bears prolly don't eat horses, but it still can scare the S*** out of them by growling and threatening to F your S up. Oski and the California Golden Bears will storm into the Coliseum, scare the crap out of Tommy Trojan and his horse, and we will claim victory over these silly, silly people that call themselves the best football team in the country.
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| Oski says OMNOMNOM HORSES |
i probably should have just done my post-lab for Ochem, but whatever. this was so worth it.
GO BEARS, LET THE COLISEUM'S JUMBOTRON SHOW THE WORDS 'GG, no RE' AFTER THE GAME!!
Heh. The Santa Clara band.
ReplyDelete...Also, we lost. The teams must not have read your blog before playing the game, or they woulda been overwhelmed at your logic and everything woulda worked out just fine.